i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
