youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
