Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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