There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
