Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
