I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
