It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Terrible idea I love it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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