i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
