I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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