if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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