I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
