Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
