i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
