About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
