Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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