Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.

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  (704): I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum. http://tfl.nu/041y
  Replies (11) Good night (626) Bad night (2785)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...

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  (313): Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this... http://tfl.nu/lox2
  Replies (10) Good night (805) Bad night (4471)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

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  (630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell.. http://tfl.nu/hsjq
  Replies (37) Good night (13687) Bad night (1050)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled

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  (251): I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled http://tfl.nu/uuon
  Replies (144) Good night (1222) Bad night (6641)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.

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  (231): You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide. http://tfl.nu/t1va
  Replies (11) Good night (4355) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me

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  (719): I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me http://tfl.nu/in6y
  Replies (3) Good night (2058) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench

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  (315): Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench http://tfl.nu/9nh4
  Replies (20) Good night (5746) Bad night (1442)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.

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  (575): He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo. http://tfl.nu/zgra
  Replies (3) Good night (1723) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here

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  (503): i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here http://tfl.nu/1c81
  Replies (5) Good night (858) Bad night (1164)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  ive cried into many a lonely burritos..

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  (661): ive cried into many a lonely burritos.. http://tfl.nu/4c82
  Replies (6) Good night (656) Bad night (967)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.

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  (914): I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me. http://tfl.nu/fqr3
  Replies (6) Good night (470) Bad night (1240)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.

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  (727): We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity. http://tfl.nu/gy6t
  Replies (4) Good night (822) Bad night (258)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators

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  (303): This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators http://tfl.nu/uz36
  Replies (3) Good night (334) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.

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  (406): I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler. http://tfl.nu/7ln7
  Replies (4) Good night (780) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.

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  (714): I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid. http://tfl.nu/3lar
  Replies (1) Good night (405) Bad night (255)

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