If that was your dad, he is hot
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going