Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
