She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have already put on my inside pants.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
