New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas