Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize