I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
