Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
