the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
