i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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