I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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