you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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