batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
