Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i believe in u and ur pee
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