So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
