I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
