at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
