from now on my penis is your penis
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
