i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
