WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
