I cannot find my penis.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
