i just wanna soil my oats bro
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
