Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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