She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
