I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
