turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
