if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
