Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
