Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
