Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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