9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
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I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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