I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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