4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
