im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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