I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
