omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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