I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
