I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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