i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
