I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
