so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
