you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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