Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
