you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
