She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I smell like Dick and happiness
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
