If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
