dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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