This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
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at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
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I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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