dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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