I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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