so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
