shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Come on in and take your pants off
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