Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
