I wish my penis had an off switch
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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