jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
