elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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