I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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