he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
