it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
