imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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