I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
