So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
