can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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