A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
is wine microwaveable?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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