she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
