garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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